Resolutions–by Natasha Tolson, missionary wife in China

So here it is…

My New Year’s Resolution! I have been wanting to start my blog back up for a while now, but because I left it in such an odd fashion, I have been unsure as where to start. I stopped writing during my pregnancy with Wesley when it got too hard. When I would stay up all hours of the night writing posts that only led to me sobbing uncontrollably until I fell asleep. There were many posts written, but never published. In fact, these posts still appear on my dashboard with “draft” written in red letters beside them. There came a point, though, where I had to make a decision. I had to decide to think on “whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report,” and not dwell on all the details of my circumstances. So, I gave up blogging for a while, so that I could concentrate on HIS goodness. (I am perfectly aware that I could have done that and blogged, but blogging without dwelling was hard for me 🙂

So, here I am.

Starting over…and I figure, what better time to start over than the new year!

I guess I should update you, since my last posts left you hanging…

2010: An Amazing Year of Goodbyes

On May the 27th, 2010, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He weighed in at  3.2 oz (way bigger than EVER expected!) and was 11 in. long. Perfect!! He melted my heart instantly. More then I had ever dreamed a little boy could. And he changed the world, by changing the lives of so many people. Especially me.

He taught me to trust my Lord. He taught me to be brave, braver than I thought I could be. He proved God was in control (His birth was a miracle to say the least!) and that HIS grace is sufficient. He taught me to rejoice in every moment of pregnancy, especially the little kicks, and how to help women who are hurting all over the world. I really believe with all my heart that God’s plan for Wesley’s life was that HE receive “Maximum Glory,” a phrase I had engraved on Mark’s wedding band for our wedding day. I truly feel honored to have carried him.

On May 29, 2010, we had a very small, very private graveside service to say goodbye to our sweet baby. It was such a peaceful time. I will forever cherish the moments I experienced with those dearest to me on that day.

On July 9, 2010, the most precious little girl, Addison, was born to one of my closest friends. This friend helped me through some of the hardest times, not only in my pregnancy, but also in the birth of my little boy, all while being pregnant herself. She sacrificed sharing some of the sweetest moments of pregnancy to help me get through the darkest, and I could never thank her enough for being the encouragement that I needed. While I had to miss her birth, Addison is incredibly special to me. Holding her brought me such joy…a joy that I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to feel so soon after everything happened.

August 6th- shèngdànjié háizi xīn nián… otherwise known as my goodbye party thrown by the ladies in our church. Seriously one of my favorite nights. ever.

On August 8, 2010, our sending church held a “send-off” service for us. It was such a wonderful service. There are few times in my life that I have ever felt as loved as I did that night. I will never forget it.

On August 10, 2010, 10 weeks after burying our little boy, our family packed all our belongings into the church van, and headed to the airport. There, we said goodbye to some of the most amazing people on the planet, and climbed aboard a flight to China. The day was definitely bittersweet for me, but for my husband, one of the greatest days of his life! :)

August 12, 2010- Amazing Day. After 24 hours of traveling, we arrived in Northern China! Also that day, my friend wrote me to say that her youngest son, Addy’s big brother, had excepted Christ as his savior while visiting our little boy’s grave. That email alone could keep me from ever wondering the “whys” in God’s plan for our baby’s life. Did I mention it was an amazing day?

October 2010- We started Language School! My husband and I excitedly started learning Mandarin Chinese. While it has proven to be a long and exhausting process, we are learning more and more each day!

So that’s it really...

A lot has happened since then, but you get it. We moved to China; we’re learning the language, and that’s where we’re currently at in our journey.

I hope to share unbelievable things with you this year!

ps: Did I mention that I am writing this at 3 am? Please forgive any errors :)

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