Aaron Vance sent me this in an email!
this is taken from the newsletter sent out by www.battlezoneministries.org
A man who is valued in his home and in his church equates this felt value into love. Men spell love, V-A-L-U-E. When a man is valued, he is committed to the process that gives him that value. A man who is productive in his career and is appreciated by his boss will equate that to being valued. When a man is valued by his pastor he will experience a sense of love in the church. Such appreciation motivates a man to invest himself in that which he finds value, in this case the church. When a man feels valued by God, he feels love, which in turn, compels him to pursue Christlikeness.
Now take the opposite of feeling love / value for a man which is failure. A man who feels disrespected or devalued will reject the person or organization that projects this negative interpretation. A husband who is disrespected by his wife will respond in unloving ways, and urge him to find value elsewhere. Men want to win and will go to where they can be victors. That is why if a man is “losing” in his home, he will often avoid being there by working longer hours or by engaging in activities or hobbies that keep him away from home.
Jesus said we should love God fully and our neighbor as ourselves. Ask a man what it looks like to love God and his neighbor this way and you’ll get a wishy-washy answer. Men need a tangible answer in order to reach the desired goal. Men will only experience the love of God if they experience value to Him in a tangible way. This happens by spending time with God and actively serving Him. This relational process is where the soil for discipleship is the most fertile. Like the greenhouse effect, the man who can relate to God and senses that he is valued by the Creator will grow more disciples in the context of relationships. When men are valued or appreciated they feel loved and when they feel love they can give love.
When a man is discipling his family or another man he experiences value that words cannot describe. I believe that love is experienced at its highest level when we are discipling someone else to disciple someone else.