Sometimes I must admit that I think it is all about me and if it is not it ought to be. I want God to meet my needs. I want God to make me a success. I, I , I sometimes seems to be the key word in my vocabulary. To be honest I am feeling quite dirty right now because I spend so much of my prayer time asking God to do things for me and to make me a success and to make me look good.
I woke up last night thinking about me. I woke up thinking about what I want God to do for me. Now to be honest I hide it much better than that. I always put it into a spiritual prayer that can sound pretty good to others but I know my filthy heart and so does God.
I need to remember and He has reminded me that He is God and that I am an undeserving wicked and vile person who would be in Hell if it were not for what He did on Calvary. I know, I know. I can hear you now–don’t beat up on yourself, Austin. God has saved us and given us great promises but to be honest those promises were still never really about me. They were about Him and me making much of Him.
I do not know how often I want to use Him for me. I want Him to build His church for Him but in the process make me look good. I want Him to preach through me so that you will be blessed and love Him more but love me too and think that I am a good preacher.
God forgive me for my wickedness this morning. I am so sorry. The thought just crossed my mind about how I might even in my wickedness be trying to use even this post to look good and use it to manipulate God and you for my good. Woe is me.
Do you know that we serve a wonderful God that loves us even though we are so full of ourselves. I want to worship Him this morning. I want to magnify Him in our service. It is about Him and no matter how I do or how many come I want to focus on Him today.
I love you guys and I thank you for putting up with me. I am undeserving of my salvation and thank God for His grace. I am undeserving of your love and thank God that He would allow me to have friends like you and a church like you. I am grateful to a great God who has done so much for me, an undeserving sinner, who is far worse than undeserving. I tend to do things to try and take advantage of Him and His goodness.
Thank you for praying for me.
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