A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.”
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, “Many years ago there were apes, which evolved into monkeys, from which the human race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from apes?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.”
Dear Sir:
You manufacture aspirins that relieve suffering, colds, and fevers. The mixture used in your tablets makes it possible for people to get out of bed and fight off headaches, muscle spasms, and general aches and pains.
I have noticed these tablets works wonders on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesday mornings, Thursdays, Fridays and especially well on Saturdays.
But people who take them on Sundays and Wednesday afternoons seem not to get any relief. They cannot get rid of their headaches and pains and are unable to attend church services as they would like on these days. I also notice that your aspirins take a longer time to act on Sunday mornings, sometimes not helping the pain until about 12:30 or 1 pm. Then they wear off quickly on Sunday afternoons causing many to be unable to attend church on Sunday night.
I wonder if your company would examine these tablets and try to add an ingredient that would work on all the days of the week. I was also wondering if you have an “extra-strength” tablet that would work on revival weeks?
Thank you,
A Concerned Pastor
One of my checks was returned marked “insufficient funds”. In view of current developments in the banking industry, does that refer to me or to you?
I came back later to note that this is a joke that came in an email because I know that Trent will think that this was my letter to my bank so just to be clear–it is a joke.
I am not sure you all know this but I was born and raised in Tennessee. The year before I went to college at worked at the Bucksnort Truck Stop on Interstate 40. Some of my warm hearted friends like to give me a hard time so I thought that maybe I should send you this picture of a Tennessee Mansion. At least that is what one of the men of Vision sent me.
I was born a hill billy and came to Georgia to pick me a Georgia peach. I got the peach and never went back to live in Tennessee. Maybe some day I will retire to my beloved Tennessee Mansion
Since my life liked this so much I thought I would post it for all to see. This will help you understand what keeps us dads so humble. We know our place
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her
and I asked her not to do that.
“Why?” my daughter asked.
“Because it’s been on the ground, you don’t know where it’s been, it’s
dirty, and probably has germs,” I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,
“Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.”
I was thinking quickly.
“All moms know this stuff. It’s on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or
they don’t let you be a Mom.”
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
pondering this new information.
“OH…I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don’t pass the test you have to be the dad.”
”Exactly,” I replied back with a big smile on my face.
This just came in from David Lundy: The latest drought news is pretty dry!
Don’t know the source of this official drought information, but:
It’s so dry in Georgia that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling; the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.
One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was
tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light
when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with
me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she
said, “I have to sleep with Daddy.”
A long silence was broken at last by a shaky little voice
saying, “The big sissy”
